When I feel like nothing I do is good enough, reading is.

The sublime realization that reading is the one thing in my life during which I'm not thinking I should do more, be more, have more.

I tend to overthink things.

When I’m cleaning my house, I think I should be getting the kitchen floor cleaner, the cabinets whiter, the backsplash shinier. When I’m in a yoga class, I think I should be pushing myself harder, doing the optional chaturangas rather than skipping them as I so often to do.

This list is endless, stretching to playing with my kids, grocery shopping, writing. It touches everything in my life I can think of.

Everything — but for reading.

Lettura in giardino | Pompeo Mariani

Reading is the one thing I do during which I don’t tell myself I should be doing more or better or harder. I don’t calculate how productive I am being or whether I am doing enough of it. I just read. I just am.

I should do more for my husband, be more patient with my kids, give more. Volunteer.

But when I read? I read. I do nothing else.

I should spend more time outdoors, call my brother more often, check the soil of my houseplants more regularly.

But with a book? There’s none of that. There is no comparing, no calculating, no wondering. When I’m reading, I’m just reading. The chatter stills and my head becomes a cavernous space for a story to fill.

I should do more yard work, sign the kids up for more activities, create more art.

When I read, I’m doing everything right.

I am listening to On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong right now. Sometimes when I listen to books, my mind finds that familiar pull toward questioning; toward wondering if the best use of my time while listening is going for a walk or cleaning the house. But now, as I’m carting my children around to their summer schools, navigating construction on every street, with Ocean Vuong and his storytelling, I just am. I am transported and I am in awe. What I am not doing is thinking about how I should fold the laundry before the clothes wrinkle write in my journal more often. I am just with Ocean and his beautiful words.

Reading is magic. And when I feel like nothing I do is good enough, reading is. It will always be good enough.

What I’m reading: The Maid Nita Prose.

What I’m listening to: On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong and OH MY GOD. It’s narrated by the author and it is a masterpiece. (I’d like to note that listening is reading; I just like to share the ways in which I consume books.)

What are you reading?

Love,

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